If you had to choose the single most valuable thing you ever learned, what would it be?

I think the most valuable thing I learned is that life is too short to live your life miserable. I think my motto is to be happy in life. Live life how you want to, otherwise you will be miserable and fail at life. I do what I want to do (within legal reason), I don't let people tell me I can't do this or I can't do that. If I want to smoke a cigarrette, don't tell me how to die. At least I'm dying doing something I enjoy. Do not preach to me your faith, I am completely satisfied worshipping my computer. I work retail, sure I'm not making that money that I could be, but I am happy where I am. If you think I raise my children like the spawn of Satan, then I am. They will have the freedom to decide for themselves what they will become.

Sometimes I feel like I am the luckiest person in the world. Nobody has any idea how happy I am with my life. Sometimes I feel like something will go very wrong. Maybe it will all come crashing down. Then I think to myself that I do have things go wrong all the time. Things do not turn out how I want them to all the time. But I make the best of it. I do not have the perfect life, but I am happy with it. It is other people that dwell on their problems too long that make it seem like my life is perfect.

Things get tough in life and I really hate seeing when people give up. Keep trying, do things to make yourself happy. If it doesn't go your way, move on. There are a million other different things on earth that can make you happy. There's nothing more depressing then being around a depressing person. So fucking smile!

If you could relive one romantic date from high school, which would you choose?

Unfortunately, I can't recall any romantic dates. In fact, I don't remember anything romantic from my high school days. For some reason kids in high school didn't date. They went straight to a relationship, which if I think about it now, it's pretty stupid. Most of my "dates" were spent at home with my daughter. I don't remember going out and doing normal things. All the nights out and romantic dates came after my daughter was older and I was out of high school.

If you could have any one specific power over other people, what would it be?

This is a tough question. There are so many things I would do to people if I had the power. I'm sure everyone wants the world to be a better place. There are many things wrong with this world. But there are many things right also. I'm not trying have some miraculous discovery here, I'm sure everyone knows all of this.

If I had the power I would make everyone see. I mean really see. I would want it to have an effect on their lives. I would want people to see how their bad attitudes and negative feelings affect everything including themselves. I would want people to see that their generosity and kindness is worth something.

I know people that are so miserable that they can't see the big picture. Life is too short to worry about a lot of crap that some people worry about. It's not really worth living if you're going to live your life like that. Those are the kind of people that live to die. I live to live.

I know people, like my husband, who risk their lives every day and wouldn't give a second thought about it before they do. My husband also does everything he can do to make me happy. I wish I had the power to show him how much I appreciate it, even though I really can't.

I you could change one thing about your home, what would you make different?

My house has no character at all. Then again, I'm not an interior decorator or anything. I'm sure someone could fix it up to give it something else. But, if you come to my house, it is a normal plain house with the same features that you would find in any home built in the early 2000's. Nothing special.

I would definitely change the backyard. It has a nice long covered patio. But nothing else. No grass, no rocks, no trees. Just dirt and dust. It is quite unpleasant being back there. It needs some trees, bushes, maybe a little patch of grass, stepping stones, a water feature maybe. I always wanted a fire pit in my backyard. My kids really don't get out of the house much. They would definitely be outside more if there was grass to play on.

The inside of my house would look good in a different color other then eggshell white. The floors could be changed from plain tan carpet to stone or wood. Some oriental style decorating has always been a favorite of mine. Of course, there is always the problem of needing money to actually do all these things.

I guess I have lots of time to plan things out and figure out how I want my house to be. We aren't actually planning on doing anything to change this house. We are only renting it. I looked around online for houses to buy. There are some really cheap houses in this area right now. I also decided I don't want a newer house. The houses built in the 80's and early 90's have much more character then the houses being built today.

If you had to die from something other than old age, how would you prefer to go?

I'm not afraid to die. Of course, the thought of me dying wouldn't be the issue of me being afraid of death, it would be what would happen to Michael or my kids if I did happen to meet my untimely end.

I certainly don't want to die in an unchivalrous kind of way. If I were found dead and bloated on the toilet, that would just be uncouth. I would prefer some malevolent way to die over that. That's just how my mind works. Maybe meeting a gorey demise would be desirable. Will torture be involved? Painful? It doesn't matter, I'll be dead anyway. I'm guessing you do not need your sense of touch or your nerve endings when you are a wispy ethereal being or ball of energy.

The ultimate way to die would be to feel pleasure at the time of your death. What way to feel better and carefree then to be high on drugs and overdose on it. It's a sour injustice to your friends and family who care for you, but at least you died with a super intense feeling of overexhilaration.

Of course, there is always a better way to die feeling good without the drugs. In fact, I had this in my mind since I was pretty young. I saw this movie a long time ago, it had Patrick Dempsey in it, at the time he was doing all these geeky teenage movies. Meatballs III, I had to look that one up. It stars Sally Kellerman as a former porn star who dies while on the job. There was a part in the movie where a newscaster was reporting about the incident and it went something like this:

Her last words were "Ooh, aah, ooh, aah, oh yes, oh yes, oh God,
oooooh"

I thought to myself that is definitely how I want to go!

If you could be guaranteed one thing in life besides money, what would you ask for?

Last night I stayed up pretty late with an old friend and talked for a long time. He told me his stories, how he's been doing, what's going on in his life. You see, my friend has been having some very big problems for a few years now.

After listening to him and thinking about it, I thought to myself, I couldn't live like him. I couldn't manage to be so unhappy with my life. We all get put into difficult situations at times. We either overcome it, or we let it consume us. But, sometimes when we deal with these situations to try to overcome them, it doesn't work or it takes a long time and it seems like nothing is working. That is when you have to think completely different and deal with it in a different way and then maybe you can overcome it. If you never do anything to solve your situation, or you give up on trying to solve things or compromise, that is when you are unhappy.

My friend asked me what I think happiness is. I thought about it and I really couldn't answer him at that time. But here I am thinking to myself, I know what happiness is. It's something that I have. And that is something that I want guaranteed in my life, and I think it will always be there. Sure, sometimes things happen, and I can't be happy for that moment. But for the most part of my life, happiness should be there. If it's not there, then it will be nobodies fault but my own.

If you had to have one piece of music softly playing in your head for the rest of your life, what would you want it to be?

I had to think really hard about this one. There is so much music out there that I like. I have my favorites now and my favorites back then. They always change for me. You can never really listen to a certain song or CD or person forever. After a while it gets old and it's time for something new to listen to.

So, a piece of music for the rest of my life? I looked through my iTunes list and the only type of music that appealed to me was my New Age genre. Some are pagan type of ritual music, some drumming, some nature sounds. I think I would have to go with one of those hour long songs. The really soft ones. It's my meditation music, not that I have meditated recently. But I'm listening to one right now that is titled Spring In The Tibetan Grassland. There is no artist on here, but I see I filled it in with Chinese Bamboo Flute, one hour of it. Gave it a Google and this is what I came up with. You can't buy this music, you can only download it. I can see references made to Kitaro and Enigma, but otherwise the artist is unknown. Maybe some monk in Tibet?

Bird, running water, bells and flutes. That is exactly what I would want to play in my head for the rest of my life...softly...only if I had to choose.

If you were kidnapped and could bring along only one personal possession, what would you take?

Well given the situation, it depends on if I get to actually use the item or not. If I could, I would definitely bring the sidekick. Technically, I probably won't be able to use it long since I would have to charge the thing. Being kidnapped, I probably would be stuffed in some trunk, or maybe in an underground room with no windows, maybe at the bottom of a well and my only visitor is lotion in a bucket, or maybe I'll be in some run down abandoned adobe in the middle of the desert somewhere in Mexico being tortured to spill my secret obsession with muffins. I doubt I would have the time or the place to charge my sidekick. But hey, I can dream can't I?

If you had to secretly dispose of a dead body, how would you do it?

Hmm, that is a good question. I guess the answer depends on the situation. If I were homeless or stranded or isolated, I may have to eat it! But that is highly unlikely. Maybe I could be one of those "cleaner" type person. Big barrels, lots of chemicals.

I do live in the desert. The outskirts of this town has to be a graveyard in itself. So that is probably what I would do. It's the "in" thing to do here apparently...

If you could have a year any place in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?

There are so many places I would want to visit and see in a year. Of course, if it were all expenses paid, I would definitely go to all kinds of different places. I've always wanted to do backpacking in Europe or something like that. But I've decided I also want to see places like New Zealand and Australia, not to mention the rest of the United States, maybe some South Pacific islands and some places in Central America and Canada.

So I think my decision is the world. I would spend each part of the year exploring different areas of the world, in their nice seasons, of course.

If you could, in retrospect, change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?

Well this is not a tough one at all. I wish my parents cared more about us and less about themselves.

I'm not even going to attempt to go on about this one, because it would be a very long post and it looks pretty self explanatory.

If you had to identify the worst hotel room you have ever stayed in, where was it?

When we had to PCS to Nellis in 2005 we came to Las Vegas on the wrong weekend. There was some sort of big Las Vegas Rodeo going on and a big Car Show at the Convention Center. We arrived in the evening. They didn't have any rooms open at the Lodging on the base, so we had to find an alternate place to stay.

We were only allowed a certain amount of money for a room, the rest would have to be out of pocket expenses. Well, we ended up not finding any rooms at all after driving around, calling places, asking around. The prices were outrageous. We called our friend James and ended up staying at his tiny apartment that night.

I looked around online for rooms and they were all still pretty expensive, even for crappy motel rooms. So, I went to Priceline to find a room. We ended up getting a room not too far from the strip. In fact, it was right across from the Car Show Convention. It was actually a very nice place. I think it was called Marriott Courtyards, something like that. The room was a decent size, it was clean and we had an Internet connection. We stayed there for a few days until lodging opened.

OK, so it wasn't the worst hotel room I've stayed in. But, the room that we got from the base was a tiny crap hole. Technically it wasn't a hotel room. It was lodging though. It had a small room, small bathroom, small living room with a small couch with a fold out bed, tiny kitchen with a little round table and 4 chairs which you had to move if you wanted to unfold the bed . It kind of reminded me of a cabin at Bellows AB in Hawaii, which would have been fine if it had a beach right outside the door. In fact, I think Bellows cabins may be nicer then that. We definitely wanted to get out of there as soon as we could. We were cramped in there. So we went hunting for a couple days and found a nice house.

Air Force lodging isn't supposed to be luxurious or anything, but they don't have to be crappy either. I can't complain though, we did need a place to stay and after all that eating out, it was nice to have a stove to cook on.

If you could use only one cosmetic item for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

The only time I actually put on all my make-up is when I go to work. When I say all, I mean my eye-liner, mascara and lipstick. I'm a simple make-up person. I don't wear any type of foundation, I don't think my skin is that bad yet. I take that back, I wear foundation if I go somewhere really fancy, like the Air Force Ball.

I would have to say depending on where I go, I always need my eye-liner. Not for my eyes, but for my eyebrows. I haven't really plucked them in a while, but I usually pluck the majority of it off and draw it in. Of course, if I do that it looks weird and I have to do the eye lining thing.

Wow this subject seems so vain and stupid. But I guess thats what totally random questions are for.

If you could change one thing about your life what would it be?

I wouldn't change anything about my life except myself. It's probably why I keep this blog thing going. I am not great at expressing how I feel, in fact, I come in last in that department. I do it better when I'm writing or typing it out.

I am a relaxed type of person. I am happy and carefree most of the time. I'm a positive thinker. I can be in the crappiest of moods, but I will appear to be just my normal self. I try to avoid the dramatic side of life as much as possible. Affection is not my best trait, in fact I don't even think I have that trait. Maybe because that's how I was raised.

The only person who knows how I really am is my husband. But even then, I don't think I give him or my kids enough hugs and kisses. I don't like crying or shedding tears, for some reason it seems embarassing, even if it is from just watching something sad on TV. I am like an android, I am emotionless...unless I am alone...and being alone like I am right now at this very moment...nobody knows.

My special day...it doesn't seem so special. It's probably because he's not here. I could care less at the fact that I'm 30, it has no effect on me. I go on about my day as a normal day, clean, talk to some friends on the phone, surf the web. But now that everything is done, the kids are in bed and I have time to reflect, I think to myself, I am the greatest actor on earth.

If you could be married anywhere in the world, where would the wedding take place?

Almost 10 years ago, Michael and I met each other after talking to each other on the internet. Four months later, we were married. It was fast, we had about two months to plan our wedding on a low budget.

I wanted to get married on the beach, at night, under a full moon, in a circle of fire, in a black wedding dress. Yes I'm weird. Unfortunately, we couldn't do it. We instead got married on April 11th, 1998 in Kaneohe, Hawaii at Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden. It was a private ceremony with just the priest, our daughter Shanez, the best man Terry, maid of honor Aulani, the photographer, one of the firefighters Sammy who also took pictures, and my Aunty Arlene who worked for the state parks in Hawaii (who made a very good videographer with her knowledge of the park not to mention the permit). It was a very beautiful place. But very hot! Did I mention I wore the black wedding dress anyway?

After the ceremony we took a drive in the "love bug" to Waimanalo where we had a luau in my grandma's yard. We had so much help from our friends and family. Especially our family. It was so nice and our family didn't have a get together in a long time. So it was nice to see everyone there.

So, next April we will make ten years of marriage. Maybe we could renew or vows. It doesn't have to be in Hawaii, it doesn't have to be the beach. But I still want it at night, under the full moon in a circle of fire! Oh yeah, I still have the wedding dress, and just writing this makes me want to put it on and prance around the house.

If you could commit one crime without being caught, what crime would you commit?

I suppose robbing a bank would be good. We would be financially free and I would totally feel like a pirate. But then again, I could pull an Oceans 11 type of heist here in Vegas and that would be even more awesome. I guess anything to do with embezzling or stealing money would make people happy. But at the end of the day you know that it is wrong.

I think running away would be good. I joked about it with Michael before he left. We should move to Canada. I wouldn't be committing a crime, but Michael on the other hand, Uncle Sam would not be too happy. But if we were to run and get away with it I would do it...of course the whole money thing would come up cause we can't even afford to run away.

If you were asked what to put in a new breakfast cereal box as a gimmick, what would you pick?

Well lets see, I have 3 kids and over the years I have bought a lot of cereal! I must be buying the wrong cereal because of all the times I have purchased cereal, I could probably count on my fingers how many times there was an actual prize or toy in the box.

It seems the "digging for toys in the cereal box" days are over...

If you actually think about it, unless your child is OCD and has to wash his or her hands all the time, then think of that dirty hands touching all the cereal that the family will eat in the morning. Yummy! Streptococcal pharyngitis for breakfast!

But seriously, I remember sneaking into the kitchen to open the newly bought cereal and digging for the toy. Kids should still be able to experience this...maybe there should be some sort of healthy or hygenic product like liquid dispensing soap at the bottom of the box?

I suppose it is better then finding that ever elusive factory worker's severed finger in your bowl of cereal. That would be fascinating.

If you were to have only one of the cardinal virtues, which one would you want to possess?

Webster's definition:

cardinal virtue
Function: noun
1 : one of the four classically defined natural virtues prudence, justice, temperance, or fortitude
2 : a quality designated as a major virtue


Cardinal virtue? I had to look this one up. I know what virtues are, but the cardinal virtues? I didn't know there was a specific set.

Now that I see the four virtues, what exactly do they mean?

pru·dence
Function: noun
1 : the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason
2 : sagacity or shrewdness in the management of affairs
3 : skill and good judgment in the use of resources
4 : caution or circumspection as to danger or risk

jus·tice
Function: noun
1 a : the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishments b : judge c : the administration of law; especially : the establishment or determination of rights according to the rules of law or equity
2 a : the quality of being just, impartial, or fair b (1) : the principle or ideal of just dealing or right action (2) : conformity to this principle or ideal : righteousness c : the quality of conforming to law
3 : conformity to truth, fact, or reason : correctness

tem·per·ance
Function: noun
1 : moderation in action, thought, or feeling : restraint
2 a : habitual moderation in the indulgence of the appetites or passions b : moderation in or abstinence from the use of alcoholic beverages

for·ti·tude
Function: noun
1 : strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage
2 obsolete : strength

I read these definitions over and over. There are two virtues that appeal to me and two virtues that don't. Temperance is definitely a virtue that I do not possess or care to possess. I want to live my life how I want to and doing so makes me happy.

Prudence is like a milder version of temperance. Of course, the qualities of this virtue are positive, but it involves discipline, which is hard for me. I like to think of myself as a free spirit. I also do not have the same morals and values that have been instilled in today's modern society.

Justice and fortitude are both good virtues. I consider myself fair and just. I know everyone has met someone or know someone that is lacking in this department. In fact as I get older and meet more people and see what goes on in this world, I realize that life isn't fair.

To deal with this injustice I would have to choose fortitude as the one virtue that I want to possess. I am not even sure I have this virtue. But I sure am being put to the test.

If you could be buried anywhere, where would it be?

Because of the recent events in my life, the discussion of what will happen if we die subject came up. It's not your every day conversation.

I know for a fact that I really would not want to be buried anywhere. I want to be cremated and turned into a gem. It sounds weird, but I think its a great solution. It saves space thats for sure, reduces polution, besides who wants to breath in the ashes of a loved one anyway?

I read an article a long time ago about a lady who turned her husband into a diamond. I thought it was sweet. Now she can carry him wherever she goes, while fashionably accessorizing him. In fact a quick google search "turn loved one into gem" brought me to this website http://www.lifegem.com/ So it is true, you can do it.

So that is what I'm going to be...a sparkling diamond. Maybe 3, so my kids can show me off. I don't think there is a better way to be remembered, besides I'll be priceless!

If you had to describe your worst medical experience, what would it be?

There are many medical experiences I could think of. I hate going to the doctors. I would guess that lots of women would say giving birth, but I actually enjoyed that. When I had Ember I specifically remember being given some sort of muscle contracting medication. Blood clots the size of oranges! Which is not bad considering I just shit out a watermelon. How's that for a graphic picture? Well the point of this medication was to contract these clots out I guess. But it really mentally screwed with my head to the point where I was literally freaking out, almost like a bad trip.

Well, the point is, that was not my worst experience, it was just a brain fart I was thinking about. I would have to say my worst experience was when I was 12ish. I was walking around in my Grandma's room and I stepped on a toothpick.

One of my brothers had this habit of using these toothpicks (I have no clue what they used them for) and then snapping the tips, not completely, but enough so that they were in the shape of a Z. Well this toothpick was lodged in the bottom of my heal maybe about 1/3"-1/2" deep. It was excruciatingly painful. I was afraid to pull it out. I let it sit there and hobbled along. At some point I broke the dangling piece of the rest of the toothpick off.

I let it sit there overnight. The next day, I noticed a red line running up my leg almost reaching my knee. Someone mentioned the word lockjaw and I was then immediately taken to the local clinic. So the doctor is preparing to remove this "giant splinter", and I see this huge device they set on one of those little portable trays with the neat bluish-green napkins on the top. I remind you I am 12, but this foot long tweezers they pull out is very intimidating. Oh, yes, did I mention no anesthesia? That right there is the most horrifying experience ever.

Of course the actual act of the doctor removing it actually didn't hurt at all. After a few "Be careful where you step", and a tetanus shot later, I am all bandaged up and limping out. Not so bad right?

If you could eliminate one hereditary characteristic from your family, what would it be?

That is a very easy one.

I would eliminate the biscuit butt. The women of my family are burdened with this biscuit butt phenomenon. It is where the shape of the butt actually has handles to it where the waist meets the hips, which sometimes is quite handy, right? But overall the biscuit butt effect is like stacking another pair of butt cheeks on top of the current one you have.

I admit I have one (especially when weight is gained), it is not as extreme as the some of the women I've seen. But it's there. The worse is when men have them. I know your pain!

For now it's not so bad, but I know as I get older the biscuit is harder to get rid of. Besides, the biscuit butt goes well with the muffin in front.

If I could have spent just one more day, hour or minute..

If you were to be granted one wish what would it be?

I wish he didnt have to go.